Saturday, July 10, 2010

little baby

Well we've experienced some big changes on the Gager side of the family in the last few days. My parents recently became licensed to foster children. After several weeks of waiting they were offered a 5 day old baby and they accepted! Crazy right?!

I can't share much about her or her name, but I can say this.....she is absolutely beautiful. I have only "seen" her through pictures and skype, but I can't wait to hold her and love on her in person. My parents just got her yesterday afternoon, but have also already fallen in love with her. She's super tiny, weighing only 5 pounds. But let me just say, she has a super big name to grow in to! :)

When my parents first told me that they were wanting to start fostering children I was surprised. I mean yes we adopted Karleigh Mei, but I guess I thought my parents were done. Obviously the Lord had bigger plans. They told me that their plan was to foster with the hope of one day of adopting. It was kind of a strange and new idea to me because last time around I knew that whoever we were "assigned" we'd be adopting no matter what. Once I saw KM's picture I knew for sure that one day she'd be my sister.

Part of me immediately put up walls around my heart. Not that I didn't want to love with my whole heart whoever the Lord gave to our family to foster, but I just didn't want to get my hopes up only to have them crushed when for some reason we were not able to adopt this child we've come to know and love. Even when my Mom sent me a text on Thursday saying that they had been accepted to receive a 5 day old baby the walls came up and I prepared myself. I mean my heart did break at the thought of such a small baby going into foster care, but like I said before....I didn't want to get my hopes up.

I don't want to make it sound cliche like it was "love at first sight", but when we talked on skype and my Mom held up this fragile little five pound baby, that at this point has no one else but us, my heart melted. All the walls I had been building came crashing down. I quickly realized that these thoughts I had been having were very selfish thoughts. All I could think of was my own pain and heartaches. Yes I would love her and yes I would want to take care of her, but I couldn't think of anything, but what it'd be like to lose her and the heartbreak. So to remedy that I'd just bar my heart from complete and utter love.

As soon as I saw that sweet baby I heard the Lord say to me, "I dare you to love her with all you've got. I dare you to love her as your own sister and cherish her. I dare you to love her so much that if one day you were to lose her you'd be heart broken. And SO WHAT if you are. At least for this time, YOU loved her with all you had. And for that she will be grateful."

So sweet little baby.....I love you with all I've got. You're mine and I will always love you. If for some reason in the future I am forced to part with you my heart will be broken, I promise you that. But for now I will cherish you like we have forever together and I love you with all my heart.

Your Big Sister....Katie

1 comment:

Jenn said...

I know exactly how you feel Katie! But it's so wonderful that those walls have come down and you can love this little bitty peanut (not that it's a hard thing to do!!). I had the same fears about loving and then losing. But never in the Bible does it say, "Only love those who won't hurt you". Or, "Only love those who you know will be yours forever". Praise God it doesn't say that!

So let's lavish our love on this darling little girl. God's perfect little creation! It's what she needs the very most right now!!

I love you my Katie!!!!!!!