Wednesday, July 21, 2010

a plan and a future

So a lot has been going on in our little babies life. I won't begin or even try to explain all the legal things going on mainly because I can't share them, but mostly because I don't understand them. All I know is that we are all fighting to keep her and are praying that in the end we get to.

I've been thinking a lot about her life already so very complicated. I know in my heart that God knew everything about her and everything about her life before even time begin. But it doesn't stop me from hurting for her. I praise God that she is so small and does not have a clue of what is going on.

When my Mom was telling me today about some of the things that are going on right now I couldn't help but think of this verse:

Joshua 29:11
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

I've heard this verse so often when a student graduates from high school or finishes college and begins their life. It is a very fitting verse for all of these occasions, but never has it spoken so strongly to me as it did today thinking of our sweet baby. The Lord has mighty plans for her even at only 6 pounds and 4 ounces! He knows all that will happen in her life and wants to prosper her and not to harm her. And boy do we all feel the same.

Everything that we are doing and hopefully the state is doing is with the intention of giving her a hope and a future. Though we don't know what her future will be like, we are attempting to direct it in our own human abilities. When my Mom told me about what was happening I immediately started thinking of all the things we could do as humans to try and fix the situation. But it quickly dawned on me that it is only God's plans that matters. And it is only by his ways and his will that her little life should and will follow.

Like a said in a couple posts back, I am loving her with all I've got. And that's all I can do for her now no matter how much I want to protect her. It will hurt at times and I am prepared for that. But I will continue to remind myself that the Lord knows the plans he has for her and he will direct her future. With only a few weeks lived on this earth behind her, this little girl is already taken over the hearts and lives of our family. We love you sweet baby no matter what, you are ours.

Monday, July 19, 2010

grandparent time

Blake and I traveled over to my grandparents house last weekend to spend a little time with them and my great-grandmother. It had been a while since we had both seen them and almost a year since Blake last went to their house. It's funny how no matter what age you are there is something magical about going to your grandparents house. Knowing for a weekend you can just relax and enjoy your time together. Knowing you will get lots of good food and yummy desserts.

As a kid I would spend a week every summer at each of my grandparents house. Those two weeks were the best weeks of the summer. They each were a week where YOU were the center of attention and you got to have ice cream after dinner every day.

Anyways...we had a wonderful time and truly enjoyed getting to spend time with my grandparents and my great-grandmother. Can't wait for this coming weekend when I get to see all my family again! :)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

little baby

Well we've experienced some big changes on the Gager side of the family in the last few days. My parents recently became licensed to foster children. After several weeks of waiting they were offered a 5 day old baby and they accepted! Crazy right?!

I can't share much about her or her name, but I can say this.....she is absolutely beautiful. I have only "seen" her through pictures and skype, but I can't wait to hold her and love on her in person. My parents just got her yesterday afternoon, but have also already fallen in love with her. She's super tiny, weighing only 5 pounds. But let me just say, she has a super big name to grow in to! :)

When my parents first told me that they were wanting to start fostering children I was surprised. I mean yes we adopted Karleigh Mei, but I guess I thought my parents were done. Obviously the Lord had bigger plans. They told me that their plan was to foster with the hope of one day of adopting. It was kind of a strange and new idea to me because last time around I knew that whoever we were "assigned" we'd be adopting no matter what. Once I saw KM's picture I knew for sure that one day she'd be my sister.

Part of me immediately put up walls around my heart. Not that I didn't want to love with my whole heart whoever the Lord gave to our family to foster, but I just didn't want to get my hopes up only to have them crushed when for some reason we were not able to adopt this child we've come to know and love. Even when my Mom sent me a text on Thursday saying that they had been accepted to receive a 5 day old baby the walls came up and I prepared myself. I mean my heart did break at the thought of such a small baby going into foster care, but like I said before....I didn't want to get my hopes up.

I don't want to make it sound cliche like it was "love at first sight", but when we talked on skype and my Mom held up this fragile little five pound baby, that at this point has no one else but us, my heart melted. All the walls I had been building came crashing down. I quickly realized that these thoughts I had been having were very selfish thoughts. All I could think of was my own pain and heartaches. Yes I would love her and yes I would want to take care of her, but I couldn't think of anything, but what it'd be like to lose her and the heartbreak. So to remedy that I'd just bar my heart from complete and utter love.

As soon as I saw that sweet baby I heard the Lord say to me, "I dare you to love her with all you've got. I dare you to love her as your own sister and cherish her. I dare you to love her so much that if one day you were to lose her you'd be heart broken. And SO WHAT if you are. At least for this time, YOU loved her with all you had. And for that she will be grateful."

So sweet little baby.....I love you with all I've got. You're mine and I will always love you. If for some reason in the future I am forced to part with you my heart will be broken, I promise you that. But for now I will cherish you like we have forever together and I love you with all my heart.

Your Big Sister....Katie

Friday, July 2, 2010

our anniversary trip

We had so much fun on our anniversary trip. We traveled down to Austin for a few days and hung out there. We arrived on Saturday, late afternoon, and checked into the Holiday Inn downtown on the lake. Then we headed down to 6th street to witness all the crazies and get tickets for a showing of the A-Team at the Alamo Drafthouse. 6th Street is definitely an interesting experience! We only lost about $3 to hobos! :)

That night we saw our movie and enjoy a super yummy dinner there at the drafthouse. The next morning we went to breakfast at a place called Juan in a Million. It was super yummy and we were completely stuff by their famous "Don Juan" taco that is enormous! Then we went to the Capitol to tour it. Here's some pics on our crummy little camera:

Then we visited the historic home of Clara Driskell called the Laguna-Gloria. It was right on the lake and is now owned by the Austin Museum of Art. It was really pretty and had an interesting mix of Italian and Mexican architecture. Sorry but I didn't take any photos. :( After that we headed downtown to try out a little coffee shop called Little City. We got some super yummy frozen coffees and italian sodas because it was super hot outside!

That night for dinner we had a super fancy dinner at a place called Sullivan's. We had some AMAZING prime rib and for dessert banana bread pudding. Here's a pic of Blake with his!

Then that night we used our champagne glasses that were given to us by Blake's Paw-Paw on our wedding day to be used every year on our anniversary!! Here's some pics:

Thanks Paw-Paw Penfield! :)

The next day we headed down to Schlitterbahn for the day! We had sooooo much fun! Unfortunately I don't have any photos because I did not bring my camera for fear of it getting wet. That evening on our drive back to Austin we stopped off at a little BBQ restaurant called the Salt Lick. It was out in the middle of no where and we got a little lost. We definitely drove more than was necessary, but we made it eventually with the help of my Mom! :)

Finally the last day on our way back home we stopped off in Round Rock at the famous Round Rock Donuts and enjoyed a super tasty breakfast!! They have a donut that is enormous and weighs about 2 pounds. Here's a picture of me with my regular sized donut:

That is the end of our trip. We had a super wonderful time celebrating our first year of marriage!!